


Team Skull's Desert Adventure

by Flamethrowing_Octopus



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: Action/Adventure, Golisopod and Salazzle being badass, Grunts in peril, Plumeria making Guzma take responsibility, just a dumb little adventure, sorta fluff?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-02 06:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10211258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flamethrowing_Octopus/pseuds/Flamethrowing_Octopus
Summary: When Grunts get in way over their heads, their big sis bribes Guzma into helping her save the day. Chaos ensues.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I imagine this is the sort of thing that happens in Team Skull ALL the time. 
> 
> Just a dumb little idea I had that made me smile, so I decided to write it down. I'm getting my feet wet on this site and figured this was as good a place as any to start, so forgive any stupid mistakes I make. 
> 
> Thank you for pausing your day to look at this nonsense!

Every Grunt with an ounce of common sense knew to get out of the way when the Boss was yelling. It didn’t matter what he was yelling about, they all knew that whatever it was, they didn’t want to get swept up in the tides of his anger—so they steered clear. The only signs that anyone else was even in the mansion were the occasional clatters as the Grunts ran to hide, hushed whispers, and frightened eyes peeking from around corners when they thought they wouldn’t be seen. 

There was only one person who wouldn’t be hiding, and that was exactly who Guzma was looking for.

“Plumes! _Plumes!”_

The doorframe shook as his fist slammed into it, but Plumeria barely looked up, too focused on the phone she was holding to her ear. That only served to piss Guzma off further, and he loomed over her as menacingly as possible as he stormed into the room. 

“Plu—“ he started to snarl at her, but she cut him off by holding up a finger against his mouth, not even bothering to look at him. He puffed up with indignant anger, and contemplated biting her stupid finger, but before he could do so he was distracted when she started to speak to whoever was on the phone.

“Hang on, hang on, slow down. I can barely hear you,” she said, frowning deeply as she pulled her hand away from Guzma’s face before he did actually decide to bite her. “Wha—Yeah, I— _Yes,_ I’m still here!”

Guzma sulked as Plumeria continued to ignore him, until she suddenly slammed her hand down on the table in front of her so hard it made even him jump in surprise. “You’re _WHERE?!”_ she exclaimed, her voice both worried and furious at the same time.

“What are—Hang on, wait! Hey! _Hey!”_ she paused for a split-second before her face screwed up angrily, and she threw her phone down on the table with a snarl. “Son of a _bitch!”_

“Uh, Plumes?” Guzma finally spoke up again, trying to sound annoyed to hide how startled he was by her anger.

 _“What?!”_ she snapped, whipping around to face him with such a vicious expression that he actually flinched.

Plumeria so rarely lost her temper like this, it made what he had been about to yell at her for suddenly seem childish. “I, uh… Somebody used up the last of the Tapu Cocoa without sayin’ nothin’.” By the end of his sentence, he was barely even mumbling, refusing to meet Plumeria’s furious gaze. He was just glad no Grunts were around to see this.

Mercifully, the Admin only sighed in exasperation. “Okay, I’ll get on it, but not right now, okay? I’ve got something more important to deal with.”

“Like what?” Guzma regretted asking the question even as the words left his mouth. 

“That was some of the Grunts…” Plumeria growled, pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes.

“Well yeah, I figured. What about ‘em?”

She sighed again and had to wait a few seconds before answering so she could force down the urge to scream. If she kept yelling, Guzma would start yelling; and when the two of them got into shouting matches, it never ended well for anybody.

“They’re stuck in Haina Desert.”

Now it was Guzma’s turn to slam his hand on the table so hard it made the whole room tremble. “The _fuck_ ’re they doin’ _there?!”_

Plumeria shook her head. “I dunno, the call got dropped before I could find out!” She got to her feet and grabbed her phone off the table, muttering curses under her breath. 

“Yeah, fine, take care of ‘em first, then,” Guzma relented, though he knew full well Plumeria would go after the Grunts with or without his permission.

She made a vague noise of affirmation as she turned to leave, but something made her pause and turn back to him, drawing a questioning look in response. “Hey… Come with me, G,” she suggested bluntly.

“What?! Why?!” Guzma snapped, folding his arms over his chest defiantly. 

“Be _cause,_ you know as well as I do Haina Desert’s a pain in the ass, and it’ll be easier to find the numbskulls with two of us looking.” She put her hands on her hips, not relenting.

Guzma huffed derisively. “Man, fuck that. Babysitting the Grunts is _your_ job, remember?”

“If you come with me, I’ll get you more Tapu Cocoa on the way back.”

“No way,” he shook his head as he turned to leave. “I ain’t settin’ foot in that sandy hellhole.”

 _“And_ marshmallows. The little tiny ones.”

Guzma froze in the doorway. 

“…Fuck, Plumes, that’s playin’ dirty.”

“Sure is,” Plumeria said smoothly, smirking as she tugged the back of his hood to make him follow. “Now let’s go.”

 

\------------

 

Guzma’s description of Haina Desert as a ‘sandy hellhole’ was actually pretty accurate. It was known for its hostility and how difficult it was to traverse without getting lost, to the point where there were stories floating around that Tapu Bulu had magically enchanted the place somehow to make it harder to reach its shrine. The legends were ridiculous, of course, but the desert was still—as Plumeria had put it—‘a pain in the ass.’

 

“I’m gonna wring their fuckin’ necks. Every one of ‘em,” Guzma growled as yet another gust of wind threw even more sand at them. 

“No you’re not,” Plumeria said, squinting against both the sand and blinding sunlight. 

“You wanna bet?!”

“Just quit your whining and keep lookin’, alright?” she snapped back at him as her eyes scanned the horizon for any sign of the hapless Grunts.

She had to admit, though, this wasn’t going well. They had been trudging through the desert for what felt like forever, and all they’d seen so far was sand, rocks, and a couple of Sandile skittering among the dunes. No trace of the Grunts. It was worrying Plumeria more than she’d care to admit, driving her to insist on going faster and faster as time dragged on, which in turn only served to make Guzma even more irritable. She was painfully aware that if things went on this way for too much longer, they would both end up stopping and screaming at each other until they collapsed from the heat, and no one would be left to help the Grunts—or the two of them, for that matter.

“Maybe if we try climbin’ one of the rocks or something? Get a better view?” she suggested, a little more desperation in her voice than she intended.

“Shut up.”

Plumeria whipped around incredulously. “The fuck you say?! I’m tryin’ to get us outta here, and you—“

“No! Just shut up for a sec!” Guzma cut her off, eyes narrowed as he looked around slowly. “…You hear that?”

Frowning, she walked back to him and strained to listen, holding her breath to block out any other sounds. Sure enough, a faint noise she’d first thought was the wind made the pair freeze and exchange a wide-eyed look as it started to grow louder and louder. 

It was screaming.

 _“Fuck!”_ Plumeria exclaimed, and just like that, she and Guzma tore off towards the noise, all earlier frustrations and tiredness forgotten.

\------------

As they drew closer, they both became aware of another sound underneath the screams: a low rumble that grew louder and louder until it almost overwhelmed everything else. The screaming was more distinct now as well, to the point where Plumeria could recognize the voices of each Grunts as they shrieked and swore in obvious terror, every panicked yell urging the pair to run faster towards them. 

They finally stumbled to a halt at the top of a sand dune, and had to stop for a second to take in the sight before them. Three Grunts, all carrying their unconscious Pokémon, were sprinting as fast as their legs could carry them along the loose sand. Charging after them was the source of the rumbling: a mob of at least two dozen angry Dugtrio, hot on the Grunts’ heels as they churned up everything in their path. 

“Oh what the _fuck,”_ Plumeria panted, casting a look up at Guzma as he took a step forward, scowling. 

He whistled sharply, and the sound cut through the screaming and rumbling to the Grunts, who all looked up in unison and immediately scrambled to change course towards their only chance of escape. The Dugtrio also turned to follow in one smooth motion, their movements seeming effortless in comparison to the panicking, stumbling grunts.

 

 _“Sis!”_ One of the Grunts sobbed as they finally reached their leaders, nearly collapsing into Plumeria’s arms as she slid down the sand dune to meet them. “We didn’t mean it, w-we—What’re we gonna _do?!”_

Before Plumeria could even open her mouth to answer, Guzma brushed past and strode forward to meet the charging Dugtrio, wearing an expression all of Team Skull recognized as a sign of impending chaos. He stood directly in the path of the wild Pokémon, hands casually slipped into his pockets; but whatever worries the Grunts might have had, they kept to themselves. They knew well enough that Guzma didn’t need—or want—any sort of help now. This was the sort of moment that made it clear why he was in charge of Team Skull. This was destruction in human form, stepping up to put an end to things.

 

A cloud of sand and dust swept over Plumeria and the Grunts as the two forces collided, making them cough and splutter and frantically scrub at their eyes. The simple fact that they weren’t being trampled at that moment was a sign that something had gone right, but when the sand had settled and they managed to look up, the Grunts’ mouths fell open at what they were seeing: Guzma had stopped the rampaging Pokémon with _one foot._

The lead Dugtrio blinked in shock at the creature that had stopped all its momentum effortlessly, the forward-most head trying and failing to squirm out from under the foot planted on top of it. The horde of Pokémon behind it exchanged nervous looks and shuffled back a few inches, only to freeze in fear when Guzma lifted his head slightly to glance at them. When his expression twisted into a smirk, they practically trembled.

“A’ight you fucks,” he called, making the Dugtrio all jump in alarm. “I’ve been dragged around this shitty desert for _hours,_ and it’s makin' me _pissed.”_ He leaned forward a little and the Dugtrio he was stepping on squeaked in discomfort. “So, I’m gettin’ the itch to beat somebody down, and I don’t give a _fuck_ who or what that somebody is. Get me?”

If the Dugtrio couldn’t understand his words, they could definitely understand his tone. It was like dominos: first one Pokémon popped underground and fled, then the rest followed in a wave, one after the other, disappearing under the sand without a trace. Once he was satisfied that the rest were gone, Guzma pushed himself off the one remaining Dugtrio, who dazedly shook its mussed-up hair before vanishing underground with a final frightened cry. And just like that, the humans were alone. 

There was a moment of stunned silence as the Grunts all gaped at their leader, eyes wide and mouths hanging open behind their bandannas. Finally, Plumeria broke the silence with a breathless chuckle, and the Grunts snapped back to life, whooping and jumping in excitement at being rescued.

“Yo, that was bad _ass!”_

“We’re gonna live! Holy shit, we’re gonna live!”

Any attempts at grateful hugs were staved off by a single glare from Guzma, but Plumeria could see he was pleased by the momentary softening of his expression when the Grunts looked away.

 

Plumeria then turned to the Grunts with her hands on her hips, and they all looked at their feet in shame as they recognized the signs that she was gearing up to scold them. They knew better than to argue, as their big sis would ultimately forgive them for their stupidity in the end—she always did. They’d just have to endure whatever extra chores around Po Town she decided to give them as punishment. 

But before she could open her mouth to speak, one of the Grunts looked around and nervously tightened her grip on her unconscious Salandit. “H-hold up…” she whipped around quickly as panic set in again. “W-where’s Benny, yo?”

The others turned pale. 

“H-he was right behind me!”

“Did the Dugtrio _eat_ ‘im?!”

“Dugtrio don’t eat people, dumbass!”

“How d’ _you_ know?!”

“Okay, slow down,” Plumeria interrupted the Grunts’ panicked babbling with a frown. “There were four of you?”

The Grunts all nodded in unison, and Plumeria exchanged a worried look with Guzma. 

“He was with us when the Dugtrio started chasin’ us, I know he was!” one of the Grunts insisted, terrified.

“Where’d they start chasing you?” Plumeria gently grabbed the Grunt’s shoulder to calm him.

Before he could answer, the ground beneath them began to tremble. They all struggled to keep their balance in the shifting sand, two of the Grunts having to cling to each other to keep from falling. The shaking only lasted a few seconds, leaving the group looking around in confusion as they regained their footing, until a scream cut through the air. 

_“GET AWAY!”_

No instructions were needed. The group took only a split-second to exchange worried and determined looks, before they tore off in the direction of the scream as fast as their legs could carry them, their pace slowed slightly as the ground shook again.


End file.
